my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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