Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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