dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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