I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
