just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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