You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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