she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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