i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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