chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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