Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
