Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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