I didn't shave. On purpose
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
