He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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