I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
