So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
