I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
