I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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