dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
