Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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