When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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