people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
