I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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