you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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