Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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