What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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