I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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