let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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