i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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