How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
