so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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