Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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