Please, let me fuck your mom
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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