so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
