Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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