Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
