dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
