Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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