Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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