im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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