Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
