I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
