If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
