i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so let's talk penis.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
