Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
