Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
