In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
