Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
