I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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