Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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