You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
