i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
