we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i now understand why vodka
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize