he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
