Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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