I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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