There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
