I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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