new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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