you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
