So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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