Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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