True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
