oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
