He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
