Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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