am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
