I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
