I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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