the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
