I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You're like the curious george of whores
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All the doctor said was why
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
