thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
