he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
