I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
