You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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