i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
