Jerry, you need to find god
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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