I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
