How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize