saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
