The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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