Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
