Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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